Rheumatoid Arthritis

I lay in bed and as I woke up, I became aware of the familiar soreness I’ve felt since February.

I stared at my hands and the swelling in my fingers. “This little piggy is useless, this little piggy can’t bend.”

As the frustration welled up inside me, I bent my knees and took my feet from under the covers. I ripped my socks off and stared at the protruding toe joints.

After about 10 minutes contemplating going back to sleep I decided I should probably get up and about. Standing for sure makes you more aware of how sore and stiff you’ve become throughout the night.

It’s as if the hours of laying there slowly begin to turn you to stone. A kind of statue-like feeling. But not some regal marble looking statue, it’s something more like a creepy gargoyle.

Rheumatoid Arthritis pain in the feet, for me, kind of feels like I’ve been trekking Bolivia’s La Muela del Diablo in stiletto heels. The pain in the hands is most comparable to the feeling of when you get a sprain. So kind of like spraining every joint in your hands and wrists. The other pain, like your shoulders, legs, and stuff just feels like the day after a car wreck, or maybe when you’ve had too much to drink and you take a tumble down the stairs… you’re gonna feel that shit the next day for sure haha

Being Hispanic or Latina or whatever it’s being classified as in government forms today… I typically am not offended when people ask me questions or make comments that are way off or considered racist (I said typically). I mean why would I be? Do I know everything about other countries and their culture? Nope. Def not. I don’t expect others to know about where I’m from and I’d happily explain!!

But with rheumatoid arthritis it’s different. I’m not happy to explain that I’m not “too young” to have an immunological disease”, that it can happen at any age. I’m not too pleased to explain the reason of why I’m limping like an old hag when the reason will most likely be dismissed with an incredulous face saying, “arthritis?!” And no, you dumbass, your great grandmother probably has osteoarthritis. It’s not the same…

I feel like a self-entitled asshole when I get pissed about it. I’m thinking, if it didn’t physically hurt it probably wouldn’t bother me so much to explain what it is or how it’s not your grandparents arthritis.

My dad keeps telling me, and I’ve thought about it a lot too, “it could be worse, at least you’re still alive, at least it’s not cancer, at least we can manage it”. And he’s completely right. But when I can’t make the few steps to the bathroom or when I can’t tie my shoes, or when it used to take me 20 minutes to limp over to Elder from the Lodges, I sincerely couldn’t give two shits that “it could be worse”.

I’ve always been quite an active person. One of the reasons I’ve looked forward to graduating is so I can fully pursue some of those activities. Doing silks is something I can’t wait to do again, but holding onto two silk ribbons with my whole body weight sounds awful for now. I wince when someone gives me a firm handshake.

It’ll be ok though and I’ll definitely stop being an asshole about it. Now entirely, but I’ll be chill about being an arthritic old hag… for the most part.

Röt

Cake Pops are my weakness. (Only the pink ones)

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Red lipstick is probably my favorite to use. I don’t use it much around people I know. That shouldn’t really matter no? Does that happen to you?

I also feel quite self conscious when re-applying lipstick in public. Even in the ladies bathroom, I usually go into a stall with my tiny mirror.
Wearing Revlon Standout with a Rimmel Liner in the corners.

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Thanksgiving & Diffusing the Responsibility

Visited my mother for Thanksgiving.

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When I arrived we took the train part of the way back to her home. When I got on the train there was a lady who was passed out against the window. She didn’t seem to be in great condition but of course we all go about our day.
After sitting on the train for about 10 minutes there was a flailing sound and some movement. I looked over to see what was happening and the lady was convulsing violently. She was foaming at the mouth and her eyes were bulging out of her head. Immediately I figure she was having a seizure.
Diffusion of responsibility man. People are fucking stupid. No one was doing anything! Some people were moving away from her except one girl who I became friends with afterwards. I called 911 and yelled for the train station authorities so they wouldn’t take off with the convulsing lady on the train.
She was still breathing but completely unconscious when they made us get off the train.
We were directed to a different train, got on, and departed. I hope the lady is ok. I take great comfort in knowing that if anything happens to me or my loved ones no one is going to do a thing about it. I don’t understand it man. Kitty Geneviese was brutally raped and murdered back in the 70s(? I think).
Why the hell don’t people do anything when another person is suffering. In this instance there is no reason for someone to not have helped as she was completely unconscious and not a threat whatsoever to those around her.
She was black? Is it cynicism? Assuming she was some junkie who was having a bad trip or an overdose?

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Do What You Want – elle fait ce qu’elle veut

Elle fait ce qu’elle veut — She does what she wants.

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Pierce what you want.

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Go where you want.

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 Chop off your hair if you want. Dye it, grow it, tie it, curl it, poof it.

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 Living according to others will drive you mad. It’s unsustainable anyways so why try so hard?

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Make sure you’re content with what you’re doing with your life. If not, change things.
Lessons learned from yours truly, the first pancake.

Summer Red Lip and Polka Dots

The end of my first real summer is coming to a close. I live in Indiana for most of the year for university and it is getting chilly! The leaves are falling and the wind is crisp! I love and hate the cold. I love the autumn holidays, the incredible multi-colour leaves, the lovely smells (cinnamon, pumpkin, spices, sweet vanilla!). Basically, I’m a cliche girl who enjoys fall jajaja

Anyways, before I go on and on about Fall. This was an interesting summer where I took a god-awful six week statistics course. Of course I needed a beautiful red lipstick when I got the Sunday blues about going back to class!

I used a combination of MAC’s Viva Glam I and Rimmel’s Exaggerate Lip Liner in Diva Red (024).
Viva Glam I is a beautiful dark brick red. But I don’t feel like it has a lot of brown in it though, it’s mostly just a more intense, deeper red. I really prefer this color to MAC’s Russian Red (don’t kill me!) because Russian Red is a bit brighter. It looks amazing on everyone! I just don’t feel like it suits me well 😦 The Rimmel Lip Liner is a brighter pink-tinged cherry red. It’s not an exact match but I just picked it out really quickly and I wasn’t bothered by matching it exactly (but maybe this part is more important than I think it is) and it was cheap so hey! Why the heck not!

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I decided to wear this Polka Dot dress from F21 that my father and stepmom got me. I really like how simple and classy it is! Sorry about the wind and the seat belt! Safety first jajaja

I wore this combo the other day at my University the other Saturday. I was initially intimidated but it was a simple day studying with my two good friends so I decided to give it a whirl! Do you ever feel intimidated to wear such a bold lip color around school/friends/people you know?

ImageMr. Hobo hopes you all have a great week!

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Pink Jelly and Glitter Nails

I created this simple manicure with Zoya’s “Bela” and “Tazmanian Devil” from Confetti which you can most likely get at a CVS.

“Bela” is fairly sheer but it is a beautiful baby pink color. I was initially going to make a “Jelly Glitter Sandwich” by inserting a layer of glitter between coats of Bela but I decided that it made the glitter way too dull. Here’s an example of what it would have looked like,

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This is what I ended up with,

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And here is a photos of our adorable (pain in the ass kitten) Mister Frankie. Such a hilarious weirdo.

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Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

Sheer Red Lip Friday! – Nivea Fruity Shine Cereza

I have got to be up for work and class in 6 hours! But I wanted to make a quick post before bed. I have recently been super interested in sheer red lip products. I think they look so beautiful, especially now that winter is coming.

Here I have a sheer red lip balm from Nivea which I got in Argentina last summer. Now, it is in Spanish but I know that the same one is sold in the U.S. When I have time I will find the name in English and edit it into this post!

I LOVE this lip balm. When I was growing up in Bolivia I had one for YEARS and I would barely ever use it because I felt that it was too pigmented (I was only 11-16 years old. Now I feel like I really have to load it on to get coverage but it is a great product. It has EXTREMELY small silver glitters that are barely noticeable but add shine.

  • Moisturizing
  • Beautiful Color
  • Sheer!
  • Smell is not overwhelming
  • Cheap 
  • Natural-Looking

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Well, I’m off to sleep! Have a great day/night/etc! 
🙂